I worked from home today. And I feel worse than I have in a while.
No power supply. No WiFi. So I slept. That’s what I told myself. That’s what I told my wife when she called.
I worked from home, there was no power or WiFi, so I slept off.
Her response:
I told you to go to office.
She wasn’t being mean. She was being right. And that hit different.
The Call That Changed My Perspective
I called her just to check if she was coming home since it was getting late. She’s out there working hard. Actually showing up. Putting in the hours.
And me? I’m at home. 28 years old. Sleeping when the WiFi goes out. Making excuses.
I felt it in my chest – that heavy feeling when you realize you’re not showing up the way you should. Not for work. Not for the goals I keep talking about. Not even for myself.
The Comparison I Didn’t Want to Make
She’s working hard. I’m pulling my weight like dead weight.
That’s not who I want to be in this relationship. That’s not who I want to be period.
I don’t want to be the person who works from home and uses every small inconvenience as an excuse to check out. I don’t want to be the person my wife has to remind to go to the office because she knows what happens when I don’t.
What Needs to Change
I need to be in control. Physically and mentally. Not this version of me that collapses the moment there’s no external structure.
WFH isn’t working for me. I’ve known this. But I keep choosing it anyway because it’s comfortable. Because I can sleep. Because there’s no one watching.
But that’s exactly the problem.
Tomorrow
I’m going to office. No WFH. No excuses about traffic or convenience.
I’m showing up. Even if it’s imperfect. Even if I’m not the 5am temple-going person I imagine in my head.
Just showing up is enough for now.
Because today proved that staying home isn’t rest. It’s avoidance.
And I’m done avoiding.